All posts by Mike Procopio

AFC Championship Preview: Brady Vs. Manning XVII

We just passed the one year anniversary of the NFL trying to railroad the Patriots immediately following the AFC Championship game. This just woke up The Boogie Man, and really pissed him off. Not only did the Patriots send Russell Wilson and the Seahawks to a swift but painful death last February in Phoenix, but they started the year murdering everyone in their path soon after, including the NFL in court. It caused the Brady and the rest of the Patriots organization to begin their ‘Scorched Earth Tour’ against the rest of the NFL and the Dark Lord, Roger Goodell. Through multiple season ending injuries on both sides of the ball, we’re back in the AFC Championship game. They should rename this game to the Patriots versus “Some Grab Ass Team” in the AFC. It has come to that right? Is it only fitting we get to hammer the final nail in the Peyton Manning coffin? Perhaps. I am not a Manning hater, and really never have been. Sure he throws more guys under the bus than most executives. Yes, he had HGH injected probably directly into his forehead. Yes, his playoff record is subpar and he has been emasculated by Belichick and Brady throughout his career. But I respect the way the guy plays the game and he had a hell of a run. He looks old. He reminds me of the guy rocking tube socks and New Balance sneakers in the gym with shorts that go right to mid-thigh or so. He also wears shirts in the pool and that is a known fact. Google it if you don’t believe me. So here we are at Brady vs. Manning XVII. I’ve watched every match up and there have been some heartaches, but more often than not, it ends with a Manning Face and TB12 going into “Psycho Tom” mode. There are two roads which lead to destiny in this one. Number one is Manning making it to the Super Bowl, just like Elway, and winning it all and retiring. The other, and more probable, is Evil Goodell handing Brady the Lombardi Trophy in Santa Clara in just over two weeks.

How Denver Wins: Denver needs to keep Brady off the field and control the clock. CJ Anderson and Ronnie Hillman gashed the Patriots run defense late in the game during the week ten match up. However, Donta Hightower left that game with a knee injury and the defense suffered massively. Guys like Thomas, Sanders, and Norwood need to catch the ball and create separation from man coverage. They were able to do that effectively in week ten, especially Sanders who torched the Patriots for close to a buck fifty in receiving. Belichick likes to take what teams do best away, so that will most likely be the running game. He is going to dare Manning to throw the ball deep and outside the numbers. Now Manning’s arm resembles Johnny Damon’s thus far and would most likely be picked off by members of the New England Liberty expansion LFL franchise, but can he dig into the fountain of youth (a.k.a. Mrs. Manning’s weekly HGH deliveries) and start firing darts all over the field? I am in the minority here when I think Manning can muster up enough plays to actually win this game with his arm. The defense also has to play press coverage and not give guys like Edelman and Gronk a free release off the line. This sets up those crossing routes that have murdered teams for years. Can the linebackers line up and cover guys like James White coming out of the backfield? Is Chris Harris’ shoulder being held together by spit and duct tape? In plain English, Denver has to do a lot more than New England does, and hope for a few breaks to win this game. It is a very probable scenario as well.

How New England Wins: The formula here is very simple. They need to stop the run and force Manning into bad throws. His noodle arm isn’t what it used to be, but his decision making this year has been subpar, regardless of the injuries he may or may not have had. You also can’t give Mr. Biceps Ed Hochuli the chance to throw some phantom flag late in the game. We had some brutal PI and holding calls late in the game which killed drives and extended them for Denver in week ten. You’re a fool if you don’t think the NFL and Evil Goodell wants to see Denver and Manning back in the Super Bowl. So the Patriots have to play disciplined football and move the chains on third down. Their third down conversion percentage in the first meeting resembled the drunk guy at the bar hitting on every girl. They just couldn’t’ close. Guys like Edelman and Gronkowski are both going to play huge factors in this game, but I’m a big James White guy this week. I think McDaniels will put him into situations where he can exploit some of the big mouth Denver linebackers in space. Maybe we see JoJo LaFell come back from the dead? He has been off in some alternate universe for a majority of the year. The Patriots just need to play mistake free football and keep the game out of the hands of the referees. Stuff the run, stack the box, and keep the chains moving. Now that may sound like the title to some cheesy porno, but in reality, it is the recipe for victory in Denver.

Who Wins and Why: I picked Denver to win it all in my preseason predictions not knowing how bad Manning would be or how good Brady and the Patriots would be. However, reality kicked in and we saw where the roads have lead both quarterbacks. Brady is playing at an all-time high and Manning was the worst rated quarterback in football. Denver’s defense is far better than New England’s, especially on the back end. Guys like Logan Ryan and Hicks need a repeat performance of what they did in week ten. Edelman and Amendola were both missing in action for the first meeting between these two teams, but so was DeMarcus Ware for Denver. I think the game is a lot closer than most people think, but the Patriots pull it out by four points. I like the Patriots 27-23 in a tight one.

Side Notes: Tom Brady recently opened up his TB12 store for consumers. Not only can you buy the supplements that Tom Brady takes that turns him into the superhuman he is, but you can also purchase all of his TB12 apparel. He just became the richest man in history and many New England citizens just stepped up their style game. But let’s be honest, if Tom Brady told me gasoline was healthy for me, I’d say premium or unleaded with no questions asked. He wants me to wear my clothes inside out, call me Punky Brewster and like it. I’m going to jump into Rob Gronkowski’s Time Machine and see you all on Sunday.

Patriots Fans: Don’t Hit the Panic Button

Thirty-one franchises across the league are given a four game preseason to get their teams ready for a four month long grind, consisting of sixteen games a bye week somewhere in the middle. Teams battle across eight divisions looking to win a hat and t-shirt made by some six year old over in Uganda that crowns them champions of their division. Being from New England, hat and t-shirt day is basically an annual holiday. We’ve come to expect that we will see grown men wearing their hats sideways with a t-shirt draped over their shoulder pads, and Matthew Slater chanting his typical “How do we feel, about another AFC East title” when he breaks down the team. There are drastic highs and drastic lows throughout the year for every franchise. Some teams, like the Colts, said winning a week four game against the Titans is the best day of their lives. Yes, this is coming from a coach who was there for his daughters being born, oh and yeah the guy beat something called cancer as well. The Indianapolis Drug Lord, whom has blocked me on all social media, already made the move of the off-season by resigning Pagano AND Grigson until the next decade begins. Can we get a slow golf clap for the Indianapolis franchise?

The moral of the story here is that one franchise is annually gifted a twenty game preseason. They play down at 1 Patriot Place and have successfully secured a first round bye for the millionth year in a row. Football doesn’t start in New England in September. It starts when the playoffs start, and that is all that matters. Am I a bit concerned with the play of this team over the last six weeks? I’d be lying if I didn’t die and had my family start planning funeral arrangements when our hero got his ankles rolled up on by that monster Suh. Remember when Pete said, “Oh No!” when Wilson threw the ball into Butler’s arms on the final play of the Super Bowl? Well that was me hiding under a blanket seeing Brady go down on Sunday. I resembled a child watching a scary movie for the first time. You saw the pain in the post-game press conference as well. Granted he is in Miami, and Tom Brady can wear whatever he wants in Miami, but the guy forgot his belt. Unless that is some new fashion power move that I can’t wrap my brain around, he also had a stiff limp to go along with it, which concerned me. Now, if it means wearing no belt with the shirt tucked in is the way to go, I’m throwing every one of my belts in the trash the second I get home.

But as I’ve said countless times in the past, not all heroes wear capes. It has been well documented Brady has some personal trainer, Alex Guerrero, who has been compared to Mr. Miyagi. Sources have confirmed Brady was seen walking in the locker room yesterday with ZERO limp. Explain this one to me. How does arguably the most violent defender in all of football roll up on you, murders your ankle, and you’re “fresh as lettuce” two days later? If this doesn’t have Alex Guerrero’s finger prints all over it then call me crazy. Maybe Brady loaded up on avocado ice cream? Maybe he didn’t have his “trickle of tomato” that month. Those who have zero clue what I am talking about, Brady swears off fruit because it has too much sugar and tomatoes cause inflammation. Brady’s cheat day consists of a banana. I can’t begin to wrap my head around the Brady family diet, and I don’t want to. It seems like a very scary place.

The play of this team shouldn’t cause much of an alarm compared to prior Super Bowl winners. Each of the last five Super Bowl winners haven’t exactly set the world on fire going into the playoffs. Belichick had his team back to the facility yesterday, while Denver is waiting until Thursday just for meetings. Is there any merit to that? No, but I’ll take Bill’s word over The Werewolf who coaches in Denver. The Patriots will be prepared, a bit more healthy, and ready to roll. Remember the last time someone called them dead? Well I do. It was Trent Dilfer after getting shoved into a locker on Monday Night Football by Kansas City. We came back the following week, against a team we very well may be hosting here next week, and threw a forty spot up on them. Then we head to Denver, if they can get by whomever they have to play in the first round. We all know Manning is starting over the kid from Twilight, and I’d rather murder Peyton again and send him to the grave once and for all. It is going to be a great month of football regardless of which team you root for. Grab yourself a handful of lentils and treat yourself to some avocado ice cream and enjoy the ride.

Jets Drop the Patriots in OT: Three Takeaways

Look, if Bill Belichick told me to light myself on fire and play Russian Roulette in the process, the first thing I’d ask if where is the match and who has the revolver? Did I scowl at the notion that he instructed Matthew (AC) Slater to kick off in overtime rather than receive? Absolutely, it is my job to question decisions like that. I love how the four letter network (ESPN) is talking more about Slater’s call than Peyton and his wife being part of some HGH drug cartel. Is Mark Brunell crying yet? Regardless, our boys dropped a close one yesterday. A few things became very apparent in yesterday’s loss to the New Jersey Jets. Before anyone jumps down my throat on this one, they play in New Jersey, not in New York.

Numero Uno – Belichick didn’t trust the Patriots offense. Plain and simple. Our hero spent more time on his back than he did on his honeymoon with Giselle. He was harassed all day and Marcus Cannon resembled a turn-style at times. Sea Bass went down with some sort of ankle injury, and it just snowballed from there. I can’t count how many tackles and offensive linemen this team has blown through, but the count is climbing by the week. You brought back the exiled Chris Harper, Brandon Lafell was virtually a non-factor, and Gronkowski was the only guy Brady really trusted throughout the day. And the running game resembled something you’d see from a Pop Warner team running east to west instead of north to south. Combine that with the defense playing fairly decent in the fourth quarter, Bill rolled the dice and lost.

Second – Malcolm Butler Gets Beat…. A lot. Look, the guy never has to buy another drink in the New England region ever again. He made the biggest play in Super Bowl history and murdered the Seahawks in the process. However, he is CONSTANTLY out of position, struggles against bigger/physical receivers, and really struggles in press coverage. Having said that, he is the best cornerback they have and will be an important cog in the defensive machine come January. He is a young player and he should grow into a top tier cornerback. But let’s not anoint him the next Deion Sanders. He is a glorified James Sanders at this stage of his career, minus the murder of the Seahawks.

Lastly – Winning The Coin Toss Means Squat – I love the kill them, go into halftime, and kill them again trick as much as the next guy. We’ve seen it more times than I can remember from Brady and the Patriots. I still can’t wrap my head around sitting on the ball at the thirty-five yard line with two time outs before the half. Isn’t the point of deferring to get an extra possession to end the half and start the second half with the ball? This is the fourth time, FOURTH, that they have done it this year. I don’t want to hear injuries are a part of this either. You have the best quarterback and best kicker on the planet, whom very rarely let you down. Put some stock in them and let them do what they do best.

But let’s bring things back to reality for a second. The number one seed is still well within reach. Indianapolis went down there and beat them with a guy who has a ponytail. Yes, he has a legit ponytail. I’m hoping Miami crawls into their off season hole by halftime and we can see Jimmy G sling it for a bit to close out the game. Pittsburgh is on the outside looking in and Kansas City all but wrapped up the five seed. More than likely they will be heading to Houston and the Jets will head to play the Bengals or the Broncos. I could care less who ends up where, because if this team gets healthy, Giselle and the other wives should just start booking wine tastings in Napa now for the first week of February.

NFL Week Sixteen Power Rankings

One of the greatest movies of all time is National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation. Russ turns out to be Leonard from The Big Bang Theory, while Ellen Griswold owned 1989 with the Farrah Fawcett look and most likely gave Chevy Chase the business daily in the actors trailer. The scene with Clark Griswold hitting on the smoke behind the underwear counter never gets old, and the “kiss my ass, kiss his ass, kiss your ass” part gets me every time. Another thing that doesn’t get old is securing first round byes before Santa squeezes his fat ass down the chimney, and making sure the road to the Super Bowl comes through Foxboro. This was the type of game you throw money on just to keep it interesting. The Titans were shoved into a locker from the opening snap, and the contest was never really in question. To be perfectly honest, I’m not sure why we even play these games anymore. This coming weekend, the Patriots head to New Jersey to play the Jets. I’d love to wrap up home field Sunday, but I’d rather come out of it healthy more than anything. Winning isn’t priority number one to me on Sunday. Regardless of how much better our hero is than anyone else on the planet, you can only overcome so many injuries. This is our final rankings of the season, so a big thank you to all who read throughout the year or wished ill will upon me and my family. I love you all! My next venture just started this past weekend with the New England Liberty of the Legends Football League. Odds are they win each game by a million and steal the other team’s lunch money while doing it.

1) Carolina Panthers – Cam Newton is the media’s MVP pick. I get it, trust me. However, look at his stats compared to every other QB in the discussion. Outside of his rushing touchdowns, he isn’t atop any of them.

2) New England Patriots – Forget football, did you see the Brady family Christmas tree? It had the perfect shape, dead on balls accurate ratio of lights to ornaments, and a tree skirt probably is the shroud of Turin. I don’t even want to begin to think of what actually goes under the tree from Santa. There are toys under that thing people don’t even dare speak about. On a side note, what do you think Tommy buys Super G each year? Does he go basic white dad? No chance in hell. Regardless, we are all just waiting with baited breath for the Happy New Year Facebook post from the Brady family. It is like that Christmas card you can’t wait to get each year. Guaranteed to have melt your face off kind of heat coming from TB12 this holiday season. #FamilyGoals

3) Arizona Cardinals – Losing The Honey Badger for the year is a massive blow to the Birds. Do you still trust Carson Palmer in the playoffs? I don’t, only because he is 1/8 of a ginger.

4) Cincinnati Bengals – The quarterback with the top 5 wife in the NFL better play top 5 football in Denver this week. Do yourself a favor and Google AJ McCarron’s wife. You’re welcome.

5) Seattle Seahawks – Pete was standing on top of a locker after his team’s win. I’m sorry Pete, that won’t bring you back from the dead. I saw you die in Arizona once Malcolm Butler picked off that pass.

6) Green Bay Packers – Aaron Rodgers and Randall Cobb definitely hit up the best circuit club in Oakland after their win. He has no idea what to do with a woman like Olivia Munn.

7) Denver Broncos – Denver could very well miss out on the playoffs with two straight losses. I’d give anything to see John Elway’s head explode during week seventeen.

8) Kansas City Chiefs – The Chiefs have a shot to win the AFC West. They need Justin Houston back to make any noise in the playoffs though. Justin Houston is the doppelganger of Ecko from Lost.

9) Pittsburgh Steelers – Antonio Brown has legit antennas carved into his haircut.

10) New Jersey Jets – Want me to believe in the Jets? Go beat Tommy this weekend in New Jersey.

11) Minnesota Vikings – Minnesota better hope AP just has a mild ankle sprain. Their season and life depends on the stability of the Switch King.

12) Oakland Raiders – Oakland could very well be playing their final game at home on Christmas Eve.

13) Houston Texans – Houston is going to be a playoff team. Their starting quarterback could very well be the Amy Schumer lookalike.

14) Washington Redskins – You like that?!?!

15) Atlanta Falcons – Not many folks picked the Falcons on Sunday, this game basically wrapped up the Voodoo Brown Office Pool title for me.

16) Buffalo Bills – Buffalo is a train wreck in every sense of the word.

17) Indianapolis Colts– Chuck Pagano should start packing his office up now.

18) Philadelphia Eagles – The sooner Philadelphia moves to a 4-3 defense, the sooner they can get out of their own way.

19) New Jersey Giants – OBJ said he was afraid the Panthers were carrying black bats around the field in pregame. Did they think they were going to Tonya Harding him?

20) St. Louis Rams – The Rams may be the biggest enigma on the planet. I can’t figure them out for the life of me.

21) Tampa Bay Buccaneers – Tampa Bay is back to doing Tampa Bay things.

22) Miami Dolphins – Miami should stick to strip clubs and plastic surgery.

23) Detroit Lions – Matthew Stafford may be improving, but the offensive line better get better before 2016. He is another one with a Top 5 NFL significant other.

24) New Orleans Saints – The Saints should shut down Drew Brees for the season. His ankle is toast and watching his defense resembles seven on seven drills.

25) Chicago Bears – Matt Forte should be getting the ball far more than he is. John Fox resorted back to being John Fox again.

26) San Diego Chargers– You have to respect Phillip Rivers’ passion for the game. You also have to respect he has twenty seven children.

27) Jacksonville Jaguars – I’m still waiting for someone to tell me their best Jacksonville pool suite story. Free t-shirt to the person who does.

28) Cleveland Browns – The record may not show it, but the Browns are still playing inspired football.

29) Dallas Cowboys – Dallas’ season is officially OVER. It is time for Jerry to go get another nip and tuck.

30) San Francisco 49ers – If you lose to AJ McCarron at home, it is safe to say things aren’t going well.

31) Baltimore Ravens – Murdered, AFC Divisional Round 2015.

32) Tennessee Titans – I was close about Mariota not leaving Foxboro alive. Chances are he is shut down for the season.

NFL Week Fifteen Power Rankings

Remember when we literally murdered the Texans on national TV back in 2012? They were the self-proclaimed “New Kings of the AFC” and even wore those cool varsity letterman jackets into Foxboro to prove it? That is the date of death that should be carved on the Texan’s tombstone. Houston never recovered from that and probably never will. You and I both saw the owner/founder being shown prior to kick-off last night down on the sidelines. If you think that guy isn’t being kept alive by machines or isn’t an actual marionette, you aren’t living in any semblance of reality. For the fiftieth time in a row, the Patriots threw the Texans into a locker, stole their lunch money, and grabbed their girlfriend’s asses in the process. It could have turned into a good ol’ smut film if Bill wanted it to, but I think he respects the guys who helped him win four Super Bowls on the other side of the field. Even with Goodell controlling the instant replay screw jobs, this game was never really in question. The number one seed is back in grasp and Dunkin Donuts is hemorrhaging money again today due to another Patriots win. They should replicate what Jordan’s furniture did after the Sox won the World Series, and make it a little more difficult to give away free product. #PrayForDunks

1) Carolina Panthers – Regardless of how much the media is throwing Cam Newton into our faces, he is the front runner for league MVP.

2) New England Patriots – The Kill Everybody Tour is back on.

3) Arizona Cardinals – Arizona made that game a lot closer than they had to. However, they are one of the most balanced teams in the league.

4) Denver Broncos – Queue the Peyton/Brock controversy discussions.

5) Green Bay Packers – Who would have thought the running game would be the reason the Packers won a game at home?

6) Cincinnati Bengals – The Ginger has a mangled thumb and AJ McCarron has a Top 5 Wife in the NFL.

7) Seattle Seahawks – Russell Wilson may have bounced back from being murdered at the Super Bowl. It only took him about nine months.

8) Kansas City Chiefs – See my comments on Pittsburgh. These guys are for real.

9) Pittsburgh Steelers – This is the team nobody wants to play come January, myself included.

10) New Jersey Jets – The Jets control their own destiny, and the Damon Waynes voice over guy has them playing great football.

11) Minnesota Vikings – Mike Zimmer outcoached himself on the road. Minnesota is slowly losing control of its season.

12) Oakland Raiders – Khalil Mack may end up killing someone on the field before the season is up. I think he may have decapitated a lineman in Denver already.

13) Buffalo Bills – Good job, good effort Buffalo, stick to making great wings and having an embarrassing fan base.

14) Indianapolis Colts– Chuck Pagano should start packing his office up now.

15) Houston Texans – JJ Watt had his worst game since his rookie season. Nothing pleases me more to see the biggest d-bag in the league struggle against a patchwork offensive line.

16) Philadelphia Eagles – If I was Chip Kelly, I’d put that punk McCoy on blast. Football is a business and he got a raw deal. Kelly apologized and called it a day.

17) New Jersey Giants – Eli Manning played like the game actually meant something to him. That could meant trouble for the rest of the NFC East.

18) Washington Redskins – I’d throw a million on the fact Desean Jackson ended up in some Asian massage parlor for a hamstring rub down after the Skins won.

19) Tampa Bay Buccaneers – You can’t lose games at home this late in the year, especially teams with a below .500 record.

20) Atlanta Falcons – Matt Ryan forcing the ball to Julio, no defense, and undisciplined football. This has been the same story for Atlanta since week seven.

21) Miami Dolphins – The Dolphins could be the most underachieving team in the league.

22) St. Louis Rams – Todd Gurley is a freak of nature, but looks very fragile. Even when I was watching him in the NFL Play 60 commercial he looked like he’d snap in half.

23) New Orleans Saints – The Saints are getting production out of a guy from Hofstra and another whom was bagging groceries in the offseason.

24) Jacksonville Jaguars – What really goes on in those pools in Jacksonville? Why don’t they show them more on TV? There is definitely some type of Floridian white-trash orgy happening.

25) Cleveland Browns – Johnny Football would be a prime candidate for the 6,12,18,24 contest.

26) San Francisco 49ers – Has there been a bigger fall from grace over the last twenty four months than the Niners?

27) Dallas Cowboys – Jerry Jones is praying the Browns cut Johnny Football. Also, what happened to the pictures of him with party girls and his pants down?

28) Chicago Bears – Leave it to the Bears to let Washington win their first road game in fifty years.

29) Detroit Lions – Twenty million dollar decoys is just another example of Detroit doing Detroit things.

30) Baltimore Ravens – Deception. I’ll continue to use that word until Baltimore wins another game.

31) Tennessee Titans – Mariota may not leave Foxboro alive next week. I’m not even joking.

32) San Diego Chargers– Think being an NFL quarterback is the best job on the planet? Look at the beating Phillip Rivers took yesterday. Oh, and he has to go home to twenty something kids and a nagging wife whom wants more.

NFL Week Fourteen Power Rankings

I took two weeks off from writing the power rankings and coincidentally, it resulted in two Patriots losses. One of them I saw coming, the other, not so much. Brady is still one of the front runners for the league MVP, but the supporting cast around him resemble the zombies of The Walking Dead. Carolina is proving week in and week out they are the class of the league, and 16-0 is only four games away. What an amazing turnaround for a coach who was on the hot seat early in 2014. With only a handful of games left to play this year, it has the makings for a memorable regular season finish. Outside of the number one seed in the NFC, everything is up for grabs.

1) Carolina Panthers – 16-0 is a real possibility for this team.

2) Arizona Cardinals – Carson Palmer should be considered in the MVP conversation as well.

3) Cincinnati Bengals – Two huge bounce back games for the Bengals, but tougher tests loom ahead.

4) Denver Broncos – Brock resembles the dude from Twilight, but the Broncos are playing lights out defense.

5) New England Patriots – The Patriots need to get pointed in the right direction and stop with the mental mistakes.

6) Green Bay Packers – A Hail Mary finally went in favor of the Packers.

7) Seattle Seahawks – Watch out, the Seahawks are back to playing defense again.

8) Kansas City Chiefs – If the Chiefs stay healthy, they beat whichever division winner they play on wild card weekend.

9) Pittsburgh Steelers – As of today, they are my pick to win the AFC.

10) Minnesota Vikings – The Vikings being the talk of the NFC may have gone to their heads against Seattle.

11) New Jersey Jets – The Jets are winning games that would have been losses under Rex Ryan. They are playing disciplined on both sides of the ball.

12) Buffalo Bills – Rex found a way to puke on himself and pull out some late game heroics for the Bills Mafia.

13) Indianapolis Colts– Indianapolis was brought back down to reality by Pittsburgh.

14) Houston Texans – They may have the biggest d-bag in the league, but their defense is starting to live up to the preseason hype.

15) Tampa Bay Buccaneers – Tampa Bay could very well win a wild card in the NFC.

16) Atlanta Falcons – Flushhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

17) Oakland Raiders – Amari Cooper may be hurt. He has regressed immensely since earlier in the season.

18) New Jersey Giants – The Giants had their chance to separate themselves in the NFC East. They didn’t.

19) Miami Dolphins – Miami will be a thorn in some teams side come the end of the year. Only if they are playing at home will this come to fruition though. Sadly they play New England week seventeen in Miami.

20) Philadelphia Eagles – Congrats to the Eagles for winning their Super Bowl in week thirteen.

21) Dallas Cowboys – I see a small, tiny sliver of hope in Dallas. Matt Cassell somehow went 11-5 in New England back in 2008. Think about that for a minute.

22) St. Louis Rams – The Rams need a quarterback and help at the safety position immediately.

23) New Orleans Saints – The Saints team isn’t packing it in, but need serious help on defense. I feel like we say that every year about that side of the ball though.

24) Washington Redskins – Sadly, the Redskins are still alive in the NFC East race.

25) San Francisco 49ers – “Hey Gabbert!” – Jon Gruden

26) Chicago Bears – Chicago should be over .500 right now.

27) Detroit Lions – Martha Ford rocking her shades in the owner’s box, being 90 years old is such a power move on her part.

28) Jacksonville Jaguars – Blake Bortles and Allen Robinson could very well be the best QB/WR tandem in the NFL right now. If not, they are definitely in the top five.

29) Baltimore Ravens – Baltimore will be healthy in 2016 with a VERY high draft pick.

30) Tennessee Titans – Tennessee is still a few years away from putting it all together. I do like what I see out of the young QB though.

31) San Diego Chargers– Maybe River should stick to impregnating his wife and rocking the bolo tie.

32) Cleveland Browns – Back by popular demand, it is Johnny Football.

NFL Week Twelve Power Rankings

I, like any good Patriots fan, got a bit irked when they blew the Amendola catch dead with an inadvertent whistle. It most likely cost the Patriots a big play, that may or may not have resulted in a touchdown. But, since we are all in the circle of trust here, we’ve been on the positive side of questionable calls in our day. Sure you can scream to the high heavens that Goodell or ESPN had something to do with it, but Mean Gene is probably the best ref in the business, and he got the call right once it was screwed up. Buffalo beat themselves with poor clock management, undisciplined play, and poor special teams. It is the same old song and dance every week. It won’t be as easy this week, going into Denver with a patch work offense and the only game I’ll pick New England to drop this season. Sorry Patriots fans, it’s a reality.

1) New England Patriots – Big win against a tough defense, that knocked out two more offensive weapons.

2) Carolina Panthers – Cam Newton will challenge TB12 for the MVP.

3) Arizona Cardinals – I still think Arizona trips up in the playoffs against either GB or Seattle.

4) Cincinnati Bengals – The Red Rifle is softer than dog poo.

5) Denver Broncos – When we were all expecting Brady vs. Manning XVII, we are getting Brady vs. Osweiler One.

6) Green Bay Packers – Green Bay is back to being Green Bay again.

7) Minnesota Vikings – Minnesota has a way of making things easier on their opponents in crunch time.

8) Seattle Seahawks – Nobody will want to play Seattle come January, just based on the mystique.

9) Pittsburgh Steelers – Coming off a bye week.

10) New Jersey Giants – Coming off a bye week.

11) Kansas City Chiefs – Watch out, the Chiefs are making a run.

12) Indianapolis Colts– Chuck Pagano’s team believes in him. I’m not sure how to take that statement.

13) Atlanta Falcons – That is the sound of the Falcons going down the toilet.

14) Oakland Raiders – Amari Cooper had four yards receiving. You may not see that again…. Ever.

15) Houston Texans – JJ Watt is slowly climbing the ranks of biggest DB’s in football. I’m not talking about defensive backs either.

16) New Jersey Jets – The Jets started out so promising and have come back down to reality, and quickly.

17) Buffalo Bills – Undisciplined football and bad clock management continue to be the bane of Rex Ryan’s existence.

18) Miami Dolphins – Well, you let Dallas have a glimmer of hope.

19) Philadelphia Eagles – Chip Kelly should go back to coaching the other birds up in Oregon.

20) St. Louis Rams – Case Keenum looked like Rocky dragging himself off the canvas in his second title fight with Apollo.

21) Dallas Cowboys – I see a small, tiny sliver of hope in Dallas. However, that may go dark when Carolina comes to town on Thanksgiving.

22) Tampa Bay Buccaneers – Tampa Bay has double the amount of wins they had all of last year.

23) New Orleans Saints – Coming off a bye week.

24) Chicago Bears – John Fox gifted a win to his previous team on Sunday. You had one job John, one!

25) Jacksonville Jaguars – Can Jacksonville make a late season run at the listless Colts? I highly doubt it.

26) Detroit Lions – Three in a row for the Martha Ford Lions!

27) Baltimore Ravens – Joe Flacco got hurt, so did Justin Forsett, but that doesn’t matter when you only have three wins.

28) Washington Redskins – Washington proved once again why they will never be contenders in the NFC East.

29) San Francisco 49ers – The Niners gave a valiant effort on the road in Seattle, but that isn’t enough to win football games.

30) Tennessee Titans – Tennessee needs to address the defensive line and running game in the offseason.

31) San Diego Chargers– San Diego can’t get to LA fast enough.

32) Cleveland Browns – Coming off a bye week.